Posts Tagged With: life

A Lot Can Happen in a Year

I haven’t written anything in over a year.  Looking through my old posts made me laugh.  What seemed like the end of the world back then is now so minuscule.

I have accomplished quite a few things since then: I graduated nursing school and passed the NCLEX.  I was also lucky enough to get a job and participate in the StaRN program.  Tomorrow will be my first official  day with a preceptor in the hospital as a registered nurse.  Usually, I would be way too nervous to sleep, but I think that I am too tired to even think about it.

I’ve also learned a lot about myself and people in general.  According to different personality test, I am an INFJ and my brightest color is blue, with gold being a runner up.  I still get confused with life and how my brain works, but hey– one step at a time, right? If I could commend myself with anything, it would be for gaining more confidence, even if it’s still not as high as I truly wish it to be.

Certain people have shaped me into the person who I wanted to be for a long time.  A million thanks would not be enough to show my appreciation to everyone who took their time to involve me in their lives.

I hope to share memories here more often, rather than once a year or so.  The act of typing what happens in my daily shenanigans should improve my memory and help me appreciate life more.

8-19-16

0207

 

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Categories: Novice Nurse | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

“Man at the End of the Rainbow”

This randomly popped up in my brain today, and I had to write it.

She sat on a swing as the rain started to pour.

“Come inside,” I said. I held it open, the door.

What took me by surprise was the smile on her face,

Eyes fixed on the stormy clouds, she looked so amazed.

I asked why she was so happy on such a dark awful day,

 

And she said,

“Because when it’s all over, I’ll go on my way.

There is a man at the end of the rainbow

Who’s waiting to grant my wish

All I have to do is wait til the storm passes by

When the trees had enough to drink and the sun starts to shine

I will follow that rainbow until I reach the end

Find that man and wish for hearts to mend.”

 

The young girl’s fable I didn’t believe

No gifts from a rainbow that you could receive

“Stop all that nonsense and come on inside.

Wipe off your shoes and make sure they have dried.”

 

A decade has passed and I remembered that girl

When the cloud turned black and started to whirl

It lasted awhile, but sure enough, the sun came out

With it, a huge rainbow that washed over my doubt

 

Insane as it seems, I drove for miles and miles

Stopped on a bridge overlooking some isles

I must have been dreaming, for what did I see?

The “end” of the rainbow, shining on me

But then I saw something even more strange

A frail old man suddenly at close range

 

He appeared out of nowhere, with just a white cloak

When’s the last time he ate? I’m sure he was broke.

So, so, skinny…

But his smile was just like the little girl’s

Genuine and kind, more valuable than pearls.

 

He said, “I’ll grant you a wish, just say the word.”

I must be going crazy, this is absurd.

“I gave all my belongings away

For hope that it would make people’s day

 

I can only give what i already own

But all of my seeds have just been sown.

You get one wish, so what would it be?”

 

I looked at him… were my eyes deceiving me?

A man who had nothing was offering me a request

I started to think and I felt so blessed

“Keep your things, if you even have any.

You know it’s quite hard to find many.. people like you.

I just ask for your wisdom, A heart… how does it mend?

It’s not like rubber that easily bends.”

 

Pointing his fingers to the rainbow above

He bowed his head and said, “It’s all about love.”

A wind blew so strongly that I shut my eyes

Then he was gone, with that four word goodbye.

 

-Okay, so cheesy poem that kind of / kind of not makes sense.

Categories: Fiction | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Perseverant procrastination?

There is a basket of fresh laundry waiting to be folded at the side of my bed.

A million things need to be done… so much that I might just explode.  Surely you have had moments like these in your life? What do you do?

I usually end up overheating myself by doing as much as I can in one sitting.  This time is different, though.  I’m using perseverant procrastination.  Yes, I just made that term up.  You can tell because it doesn’t even make sense.  It’s almost an oxymoron in itself. 

However, what is perseverant procrastination (in my own made up terms)?  Let me first clear up that it is not the normal “useless procrastination that wastes the hours of your life” type of deal (for instance, doing unproductive “work” that does nothing to your life).  Perseverant procrastination is letting out all your stress by means of “expelling out your soul.”  I’m on WordPress, writing this blog, just for my own sake.  It’s taking my mind out of the nerve-racking  events that are happening and about to happen in my life; but just staring at my blog background… I already feel calmer.  The sunset just reminds me that the day ends to bring in the night, and that it will be okay. Life will always have its surprises. 

Ok, I think that’s enough for me to wake up.  I need to get on the folding of clothes and studying…

Have a wonderful night/morning everyone! 🙂

Categories: Day by Day, My Thoughts | Tags: , , , , , | 1 Comment

What is your priority?

This question keeps lingering in my head.  For the past year, my priority has been college and getting good grades.  I’ve also realized that happiness shouldn’t be something that we put last on our list. 

Next on my list was getting a job.  After turning 17 a couple of weeks ago, I’ve turned my attention on earning money, mostly for my future years ahead as a college student and also for random expenses.  I wanted to afford my own things, without having to rely on my parents for money.  I wanted to start saving for the future.

But what’s more important that the future? The present of course.  I keep thinking of the possibilities of deaths.  As much as I’d love to save for my future life, it’s good to think of, again, my true priorities.  My true priority is my family.  I haven’t seen my grandmother for 8 long years, and I honestly think that it is more important to be with her than be with some materials that means nothing in the end.

What if I die tomorrow? What if she does? I know that it’s such a bad thing to think about, but that’s the perspective I look at.  I need to save up for a plane ticket to try and see her.  I miss her so much; I can’t even put it into words.  She is just like a mother to me: a lady who raised me for most of my childhood… She is so crucial to my life.

I love you, Nanay.  I hope you live a long and healthy life.

What is your true priority? Make sure that you pay attention to it before it’s too late.  Life is short enough; make the best of it.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , | Leave a comment

“Six Months to Live”

I started volunteering last Friday at the hospital as a Candy Striper.  The tasks they have as do are very little, like give out ice water, change sheets, and do paper work.

All of that seems almost unimportant, compared to what the doctors and nurses do for the patients.  However, there was a time that made all the small things add up, and made me feel like I was being valuable:

 

I saw him.  He was a very frail, skinny old man.  I passed by his room many times but never bothered to go in since he was sleeping.  No one visited him the entire 4 hours that I was at that floor, except for the nurses. (Maybe some went later that day, I’m not sure).  Finally, I passed by one more time and found him awake, looking sad and weary.  I knocked and he let me come in.  I asked if he needed something, and he said that he wanted water, so I got him some.  Trying to break the ice, I asked, “How are you doing today, sir?”

His response was dim, “I’m dying.”

It was a depressing phrase, so I said cheerily, “No you’re not!”  Maybe I should have rephrased that differently.

 I thought that he was just another miserable man, thinking that he was dying.  That was shallow of me,  But everyone will eventually die, right?

His voice was rough, “They said I had 6 months to live.”

Boom.  I didn’t know what to say… I didn’t even say I’m sorry.  I just blanked out. 

Finally, I asked if he wanted a newspaper to read.  That seemed better than sitting down and doing nothing to him, so he said yes please.

I smiled, “I’ll be right back.”  I went downstairs to grab him one and came back up with the promised newspaper.  He seemed so happy to receive that newspaper, and I was glad that something that small could make a patient a little better.  I talked with him a little more.

He said something so small that I’ll never forget. “You’re a good girl.”  He didn’t just say it like that, but he said it in such a thankful, sincere way.  It’s as if the couple of minutes I spent with him was the best thing he got all day. 

Finally, I told him to have a nice day and he said (sincerely again), “I will now, thanks to you.”

 

I know it seems like that was nothing, but to me, it was something. That old man was so sad when I first saw him, and even though he’ll probably still be sad at times, that moment that I could share with him was awesome.  I know that it brightened up his day enough.  And even if he only has six months to live, I hope he knows that people still care about him, even complete strangers. 

Categories: Hospital Life | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Is Knowledge Really Everything?

I remember reading a short story during Freshman year, called Flowers for Algernon.  (I might reread it, since I forgot most of what happened).  It was about a mentally challenged man, named Charlie, who worked as a janitor in a factory.  He became the subject of a series of experiments, to see if it was possible to make him more intelligent.  A former experiment was done with a lab rat named Algernon, and it seemed to be working.

Charlie started off with a low IQ of 68.  With the surgical techniques, his intelligence tripled.  It was sad though.  He figured out that his coworkers had been manipulating and making fun of him when he had special needs. Although he became smarter, he also became less happy.  As we read the story in class, my teacher asked us if we would rather have been the happy Charlie or the intelligent Charlie.  The happy Charlie had no idea of what the “real world” was like, just living his days, but again, he was happy. His IQ shot up so high as he his procedures got longer.  So I thought about that, as a little Freshman in high school.  I thought that having his insane knowledge would be better.  He could have been a millionaire, with his mental ability.  Why wouldn’t you want to be smarter, right? But knowledge comes with a price.  For Charlie’s point-of-view, it turned bad.  He became too smart, that it was hard to communicate with the “average” people he was around with.

{It ended up that the rat, Algernon, was declining in his mental abilities, just as Charlie got smarter.  He noticed this and figured that he, too, would soon be like the rat.  Eventually, Algernon died and Charlie dropped down to his normal IQ level again. (There is more to the story, and I suggest reading it).}

Even if Charlie did stay as “smart” as he was, would it have been better than being clueless but happy? Now that I think of it again, I start to wonder.  Of course, knowledge is very important to me.  I think that it is one of the greatest gifts that is given to us in this world. Humans are curious.  We want to know things.  I’m going to school, not only for a career, but also to have more knowledge of the medical field.  I think it is something that I can use to help others out.

However, I think back to the very young me. I was like Charlie in a way.  My head was full of wonder, but I didn’t know much.  The world seemed perfect to my eyes.  I never had a real bad day, I think, until I turned 13.  It was then when people started telling me “facts” about the “real world.” Bad things happen, they say. That’s just life.

That is true to a certain extent.  But what if I didn’t know everything that I know now? I’ve seen and known how awful the world is.  So would it be better if I was happy and didn’t know anything?

Maybe I’m more in the middle now.  I think knowledge isn’t everything. Happiness is more important.  We should use our knowledge smarter, to make us happier.

If you have it, might as well use it for the better, right?

Categories: Psychology | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

Upgrade from a Couch Potato

I am not a couch potato. (Okay, maybe on certain days.)

I like to think of myself as an upgrade from a couch potato. Being so young, you would think that I’d be exploring the world (at least my city) and being out and about. The truth is, I really want to, but at the same time, it’s so much more peaceful in my room. Haha.

Categories: Day by Day | Tags: , | Leave a comment

“Happy Wednesday”

I was on my way to my car when a man passed by. He kindly  smiled and said, “Happy Wednesday.”

Hmmm… it is a happy Wednesday now, thanks to him.
It doesn’t have to be a holiday to make it a happy day. I’ll try saying that more often. So tomorrow will be happy Thursday.

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Be Strong

Some people aren’t worth your tears.

The best thing to do is be strong. Stand up, and don’t let them tear you down. If you fall, get right back up and show them that you aren’t weak.

Categories: My Thoughts | Tags: | Leave a comment

My Drug

Give humans a stressful situation. . .

Some people drink alcohol, others take pills, and many smoke marijuana to “calm down.”

I drink TAZO green tea. I could even say it’s my drug. It heals me, physically and mentally. Is it an addiction? Maybe so, but it’s a pretty tasty one.

Categories: My Thoughts | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

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