You were my number one inspiration…

Notice how I said “were”? Well, that’s what you used to be.  There was no other person who I thought was smarter, and I felt most close to…  I thought I knew everything about you.  I tried  to understand, and I even covered for you because I thought that I was doing the right thing.  I love you.  What else can I do?

Everything was perfect, but in an instant, my greatest inspiration was gone.  Yes, you’re still beautiful and smart, but what happened? Look at me and the rest of the world.  Stop it.  I feel like a bar stool missing one leg.  Who do I look up to now? I’ve been left into the world, without my cast. 

I feel that everything I’ve ever done, I thought about.  In the back of my mind was always you.  I wanted to be just like you.  You were so amazing in my mind.  I would say, “what would she have done?”  Then I would have picked your choice, because I thought that that was the right choice. 

Now, I feel free, which is both good and bad.  It’s good because I can finally think on my own, read my own path.  My glasses were cleaned and I saw other things.  It’s bad because i miss you.  A part of you turned stupid.  Not stupid stupid, because like I said, you are a genius.  You are so foolish, yet so smart. 

I love you, but what can I do?

I’m so confused and lost.

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